c.spot

Lately, I’ve had a difficult time writing new posts. Not because there aren’t things happening in my life, mundane or not, but because I’ve lost motivation. For the past 6-ish months, I’ve been an emotional rollercoaster. Between the changes going on at work and in my personal life, I feel myself being pushed and pulled with every change. And usually now, on weekends, when I would have the time and energy to write, all I want to do is curl up in a ball and lay in bed. Because sometimes, there is little in life that makes getting out of bed worth it.

well, that's a first.

Whether it was due to my positive change in account (which also means more walking to commute and more time for the gym), change in eating habits (large lunch, small/no dinner), unfortunate circumstances (I surprising didn’t gorge myself on ice cream after getting dumped) or some combination of it all, I managed to actually lose weight at the end of 2009. Which is exciting for me. But also dangerous. Since I didn’t really try that hard, I’m worried I’m going to mess it up and gain it all back. On the plus side, I’m loving the compliments I’ve been getting, so that’s some motivation. Also, I’m doing a weight loss competition with my managers at work, so that should help too. So, we’ll see.

ebr, you inspired me.

i need a new haircut.

oh, 2010.

So far, this new year hasn’t been off to an ideal start. However, the great thing about starting each day, is that it can all change. So while I may be a little delayed in beginning my new year, at least I’m realizing that change is necessary.

I stopped making resolutions when I realized they didn’t matter. Resolutions are meant to be broken. What I need are decisions. I need outlook-bending, action-changing decisions that will not be fleeting desires but lasting differences.

So many times, I’ve attempted to get my life in order, resolving that “beginning today” I would pull myself together. And just as many times, I’ve failed. I mean, I’m not a total trainwreck, but I’m also not as pulled together as I’d like to be. I realized last year that I consistantly failed because I attempted too much. So I decided, last January, to break it down into parts, and only after I completed the first step, would I be able to take the next.

Well, that failed. It started off with the right idea, but my failure to complete even the smallest of parts meant that nothing would get done. So now that it’s a new year, and I’m in an (almost) completely different situation in life, it’s time for me to try again.

Especially recently, my unfortunate circumstances have forced me to re-evaluate what I believe, what I want and where I’m going. With some help from Tim Keller, I’m slowly beginning to accept the fact that I don’t have control over my future, but my actions do matter. So with this realization and eventual acceptance, I am striving to let go of some of the issues I’ve been carrying around, and instead focus on doing what I need to do. Because ultimately, worrying about these things won’t help; the eventual result will be the same. But what I can (and should) do, is to aim to do what is right, give it my all and do my best. The rest isn’t up to me.

i heart free stuff!

on my way back from the gym this afternoon (I love Monday holidays!), i picked up a free tshirt being handed out to promote the new CW show, Life Unexpected. the shirt’s an XL so i’m not sure when i’ll actually wear it, but look, i’m mentioning the show so i guess it paid off for them.

This weekend I purchased a set of free weights. Coupled with my (free) yoga mat and balance ball, I have a nice little gym set-up going. Now I just need the space and motivation and I’ll be good to go!